But I Didn’t SAY It Was OK…

Originally shared in A Daily Dose Of Leadership on July 2, 2020.

In the last few blogs, we looked at how much more the people on our teams will follow what we do than what we say and then we looked at how much responsibility stinks at times when we realize someone is ALWAYS watching… And as tough as walking that fine line can often be, every leader will run into situations where maintaining the highest of standards with their own behaviors still isn’t enough!

Well crap!

A scenario we walk participants through in the very first lesson of our Emerging Leader Development course deals with the importance of self-discipline as a leader. For many folks, that’s simply having the character to set the right example for what the team they lead is expected to follow. But one of the most common frustrations I’ve seen supervisors, managers, and executives deal with in nearly every organization I’ve worked with over the last two decades initially started when one of their team members stepped just a little bit outside the lines of what was acceptable. In most cases, it wasn’t a big enough issue to make a fuss over so they chose to let it go…

Guess what typically happened next…

If you have kids, you’re probably tracking with already. As humans, almost every single one of us need – and even want – to have clear boundaries to work within. When stepping just a little bit outside those boundaries isn’t addressed, it almost always results in someone taking another step outside those boundaries; then another and yet another…

And this cycle can gain speed exponentially if no one steps in. Unfortunately, all too many supervisors, managers, and even high-level executives struggle with having what’s perceived as a tough conversation. They may go as far as bringing the issue up in a group setting, reiterating what the company policy is regarding said behavior, but that’s often as far as it goes.

They feel like they’ve checked a box and maintained order. But the team members who are stepping out of line are rarely paying any attention in those meetings anyway. The folks who have been staying in line, and are likely growing more and more frustrated with their manager for not addressing the issue, feel like they’re getting beat up for something they’re not even doing wrong. And nothing really improves afterward; if anything, the unacceptable behavior escalates… Then at some point down the road, that same supervisor or manager hits their tipping point and absolutely blows their top with the person who’s been taking more and more gradual steps outside the lines, which results in the entire team being on pins and needles for days or weeks to come.

Have you seen that??? That’s rhetorical… If you’ve worked anywhere for any amount of time, I have no doubt that you have!

In teaching and training on behavior based safety across North America for nearly 15 years, I learned one very critical principle that was rarely practiced effectively. When a supervisor or manager is aware of an unacceptable behavior and they choose not to address it, they’re in fact condoning it. The employee, or even the child, who has been pushing the limits absolutely knows the person in charge is aware of what they’re doing, and that decision to turn a blind eye is viewed by them as approval. And quite honestly, even the folks who aren’t stepping out of line begin to see that choice to ignore poor behavior as an acknowledgement of it being OK.

When that manager or supervisor directly observes, or is given specific feedback about, a situation where their employee has been dishonest or chosen not to fulfill their responsibility and they remain silent about the situation, they have chosen to put their personal stamp of approval on that poor performance.

Let’s be honest here. Having a conversation with a team member about unacceptable behavior or poor performance can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be personal and it should never be postponed until things get completely out of control! As leaders, we must take responsibility for not only setting the right example, but holding our team members accountable to perform to that example on a day to day basis. If we’re not doing that, we’re certainly not leading, and the culture we’re creating in our entire organization will be one that wreaks of that poor performance we’ve chosen to allow.

Addressing the little things does take work, and a stiff spine, but that’s really what being a true leader is all about…